Kitchen Venting…

You live in a european country (and you are Mexican, like myself – yup I am half)… the struggle becomes so real when trying to make authentic Mexican food.  I cannot find a chili hot enough for my salsa (and yes I have tried habaneros – currently three in my taco sauce and it’s still not hot enough).  I had to vent… purely out of frustration when your food doesn’t turn out the way it usually does.


Break Ups, Make Ups, and Finding YOU

I’m sitting here, enjoying a glass of Cab Sav, and struggling with writer’s block.

I want to talk about shit that happens in our life that we may not understand right now, but eventually makes us stronger.

Let’s be honest, we have all been through a break up and sometimes find ourselves struggling to understand why things didn’t work out. The grieving process of getting over a man will open you up and force you into deep vulnerability.

Breakups suck. They can leave you in shock. This vision of the future, you have created, has been shattered. All the plans and expectations you once had no longer exist anymore. Your best friend has quickly become a stranger that you have zero communication with. We all Instagram stalk, but you’ve been completely shut out and “blocked” from viewing this person’s social media aspect that you once shared your life together on. Dick move, but that’s what usually happens after a break up unless you beat him to the punch (which sounds childish but hey your lying to yourself if you’ve never done it before).

Maybe this breakup will force you to become in touch with your own needs. Being too focused on your man (at the time; now ex) can create the perfect distraction leaving you in denial about your relationship.

What is important to me?

Will I be alone forever?

Who am I outside of this relationship?

How do I suddenly stop loving him? (Is this possible? Was he my person?)

Was I blindsided or did I just not pay attention to the issues we had?

How can I fulfill my own desires and potential?

Is there anything in my life that I have been putting on hold?

What is best for me… now?

You are forced to examine where you have been applying a Band Aid and covering up some issues. My mother has always told me to never let a man see or break you down, you deserve better, and ice cream can mend a broken heart.

It is important to talk to people. Maybe you pushed friends away for your relationship. Try rekindling those friendships. True friends are able to pick up where they left off by having a single conversation. Ask for advice. Lean on your family and friends.

Enjoy your alone time. You won’t be alone forever. Discover new interests. Have dinner alone.

Reclaim your uniqueness. You are who you are. After a break up, you don’t necessarily need to “change yourself”… lets be real, self-help books and affirmations are bullshit. You already are yourself. You can change, but change in a way that you may be adding and subtracting from yourself not starting from complete scratch.

Treat yourself.

Try a “change of scenery”.

Keep on living. Live life normally, but try new things. We are all going to experience good days and bad days but understand that there are always people in the world battling difficult things. Don’t let this break up get the best of you. Don’t allow anyone to stop you from living your life to the fullest.

Keep yourself busy. Go out and have a social life (just make sure not to rush new relationships – you need to focus on yourself for a while).

Don’t let this relationship squash your self-esteem. Have zero regrets. You will grow from each relationship you have. Use this past relationship to form a confidant you.

I know from personal experience, you have to let something go in order to realize how much it means to you (it may come back). This ex of yours may realize they’ve lost something (or someone) that has played such a huge role in their life and possibly want you back. Maybe the time apart has altered what you both want and you guys are ready to start with a clean plate.

But…. if he doesn’t come to his senses, then fuck him – you have just discovered a whole new you. His loss is another man’s gain!




The Dirty Truth About… Birth Control

Last month, I (we) made a decision to get off birth control. Truth is, nobody really tells you what happens to your body when you make the drastic decision to get off the pill.

After so many years of inconvenient trips to the pharmacy and prescriptions written from the only other man that gets up in there, besides your husband or for those of you that are Birth Control
single and in an exclusive relationship, you have decided to turn off that 9:55am alarm reminding you to pop that bad boy into your mouth. You think, “What a relief, hey?” no more trying to remember if you took your pill or not.

Let’s just say you are in for a whole new treat while your body is trying to get rid of that little monster you have been on for 9 years.

9 years is a long time!! I mean throwback to the time you turned 18 and had your period for the first time (or when ever you got your period… clearly I was a late bloomer but I blame Pop BCthat on being an athlete). Literally, I can’t even remember what it was like to be irregular anymore. My doctor explained to me the answer to an irregular period, acne, and being
really tiny was —- Birth Control (BC).

Playing on Club soccer teams and a travel team, it only seemed natural that BC would be the best solution while rocking those white Nike shorts on the field. I opted for Ortho Tri Cycline Lo. A low dosage based on my weight. Man O Man, as soon as the pill was in my system I started to grow those boobs I never thought I would have and wanted so badly. I quickly came to the conclusion BC pills were my friends.

Fast forward to 9 years later, and I am going hormone free. It is weird not carrying around a pack of pills and turning off that alarm … weird in a good way. I don’t even know who I am without the pills. My first thought is to Google “what to expect when getting off birth control.” I Google everything. I am the type of person that self diagnoses myself (thank you webMD). To save you some time, you get a bunch of mixed results; both positive and negative but every woman’s body is so different.

For the most part, the first couple weeks were uneventful. Dropped about 7 pounds of water weight (tits are still with me though so that’s a plus) and my libido is like HELLO. I feel like I am thinking clearly now (if that makes any sense). Sounds awesome right?! My period came around the same time as usual and lasted 4 days (no spotting in between, which I heard is extremely common). I thought to myself, “I guess the pill didn’t change my body too much.”

I was wrong about that.

Here I am experiencing my first REAL month of being off the pill. Acne. What a bitch! I have never in my life experienced acne like I am now. Not only is the acne irritating me but also the fact that my eczema is back and in full force. The acne on my chin isn’t the worst of it — It’s the acne and eczema on my back and (believe it or not) my chest… What the Stress BChell is this? I immediately hit up my buddy Google. Go figure, I am not the only woman in this world experiencing this madness. I would like to give you some more positive news, like my personality is fabulous (even though I believe I am always in a good mood on or off the pill — my husband seems to disagree) BUT the negatives have outweighed the positive (for me) so far.

It has been an adjustment but I am working through this stage of my life and I know it can only go up from here. I am interested to discover how my body functions and continues to change now that I am completely off the pill. For now, birth control and I are no longer friends due to all the shit he is putting me through. I’m guessing motherhood will be a whole new blog post once we have children. Stay tuned.

On the plus side, for those of you ladies still on the pill – how cool is it that some insurance companies are no longer making you pay an arm and a leg for birth control because the Affordable Care Act was passed. In the meantime, enjoy your little friend birth control while you are still taking him… when you decide to part ways, you may come to realize the little bitch may not be so loyal after all. In the future, I am looking forward to a birth control for men hitting the market. Good luck ladies!

– The Babe Report

OB/GYN Appointment Gone Wrong!

Ever have one of those days where you feel like you are just rushing around trying your best to tackle the list of things you have written down for the week?

Having children is an absolute blessing. I mean they truly are the foundation to a family, but often times that means no longer being able to do things for yourself. No random manicure/pedicure walk-ins, no time for massages or day spa activities, hell you barely have time to comb your hair BUT this is love. You actually have those two little rascals that make a mess but have showed you the true meaning of unconditional love (seriously it is worth it) and you would drop anything in the world for them without even thinking about it.

Get this… It has been a busy week. Trying to drop the kids off at school (on time that is), going to the grocery store (because Lord knows when your husband gets home from work he will be hungry and I want to avoid that “Hangry” phase), clean the house, pick up prescriptions from the pharmacy, and OH wait, I finally have an hour open this week to fit in that long over due pap smear my OB/GYN has been non stop calling me about. So fine, it is Monday and I scheduled the appointment for Tuesday – we are good!

As I am driving the kids to school, my phone rings (yes, hands free of course!! Precious cargo in the car!)… I answer. “Dr. Peterson’s office calling in regards to your appointment we have scheduled for tomorrow morning… Turns out we have an opening for today in about 30 minutes and are calling to see if you would like to come in?” My response (thinking, thinking, thinking) “Yes sure I would love to move my appointment to today … I will be there in 30, thank you.” I am dropping the kids off at school right now and I can head straight to the doctors office from here – saves me from having to come in tomorrow and I am sure my husband will be ok with fast food for dinner (right?? Who cares this is my time and I can’t face calling the OB/GYN office to reschedule this appointment again for the fourth time).

Just dropped the kids off and I am on my way to the doctors. Thinking to myself, I should probably clean up a little bit, I mean, I did take my shower last night and I do have to sit in an uncomfortable position with my legs spread flying V.gynecology-stirrups

I checked the center console of my car, PERFECT I found some wet wipes. I can just wipe it up and head in. Which is exactly what I did. I place my legs into those cold metal shackles and spread for Dr. P. “You really spruced up today” he murmured. Thinking to myself, “Now what the hell does that mean?” “Did he really just say that??” I ignored it, I mean after two kids that has to be a compliment right?? I will take it. Finished up my appointment and was back on the road trying to master my errands.

Time flies when you’re busy and before I knew it, I had to pick the kids up from school. We pull into our driveway and my son immediately jumps out and runs inside while my daughter searches through the car franticly looking for something. “Honey can I help you look for something?” I asked. She said, “Have you seen my wipes? I can’t find them anywhere?”   I handed her the bag of hand wipes. As she opens it up looking for a specific wipe, she said, “Mama I had a wipe in here with my glitter in it and it’s not in here anymore.” ‘SHIT” I thought to myself as I sprint into the house straight to my bathroom, grabbing a mirror on the way. And there it was, as I pulled my pants down and look at my newly inspected vagina — full of gold glitter!

It all made sense. I stopped thinking about Dr. P’s comment earlier that day. Got to love kids.