I’m sitting here, enjoying a glass of Cab Sav, and struggling with writer’s block.
I want to talk about shit that happens in our life that we may not understand right now, but eventually makes us stronger.
Let’s be honest, we have all been through a break up and sometimes find ourselves struggling to understand why things didn’t work out. The grieving process of getting over a man will open you up and force you into deep vulnerability.
Breakups suck. They can leave you in shock. This vision of the future, you have created, has been shattered. All the plans and expectations you once had no longer exist anymore. Your best friend has quickly become a stranger that you have zero communication with. We all Instagram stalk, but you’ve been completely shut out and “blocked” from viewing this person’s social media aspect that you once shared your life together on. Dick move, but that’s what usually happens after a break up unless you beat him to the punch (which sounds childish but hey your lying to yourself if you’ve never done it before).
Maybe this breakup will force you to become in touch with your own needs. Being too focused on your man (at the time; now ex) can create the perfect distraction leaving you in denial about your relationship.
What is important to me?
Will I be alone forever?
Who am I outside of this relationship?
How do I suddenly stop loving him? (Is this possible? Was he my person?)
Was I blindsided or did I just not pay attention to the issues we had?
How can I fulfill my own desires and potential?
Is there anything in my life that I have been putting on hold?
What is best for me… now?
You are forced to examine where you have been applying a Band Aid and covering up some issues. My mother has always told me to never let a man see or break you down, you deserve better, and ice cream can mend a broken heart.
It is important to talk to people. Maybe you pushed friends away for your relationship. Try rekindling those friendships. True friends are able to pick up where they left off by having a single conversation. Ask for advice. Lean on your family and friends.
Enjoy your alone time. You won’t be alone forever. Discover new interests. Have dinner alone.
Reclaim your uniqueness. You are who you are. After a break up, you don’t necessarily need to “change yourself”… lets be real, self-help books and affirmations are bullshit. You already are yourself. You can change, but change in a way that you may be adding and subtracting from yourself not starting from complete scratch.
Try a “change of scenery”.
Keep on living. Live life normally, but try new things. We are all going to experience good days and bad days but understand that there are always people in the world battling difficult things. Don’t let this break up get the best of you. Don’t allow anyone to stop you from living your life to the fullest.
Keep yourself busy. Go out and have a social life (just make sure not to rush new relationships – you need to focus on yourself for a while).
Don’t let this relationship squash your self-esteem. Have zero regrets. You will grow from each relationship you have. Use this past relationship to form a confidant you.
I know from personal experience, you have to let something go in order to realize how much it means to you (it may come back). This ex of yours may realize they’ve lost something (or someone) that has played such a huge role in their life and possibly want you back. Maybe the time apart has altered what you both want and you guys are ready to start with a clean plate.
But…. if he doesn’t come to his senses, then fuck him – you have just discovered a whole new you. His loss is another man’s gain!