Common Mistakes Women Make Leading to Rejection

We have all seen the movie He’s Just Not That Into You… they nailed it when it comes to women’s reactions and emotions as we dance around the dating scene. We get together with our girlfriends and gossip about what he said/she said. Adding up all the details and coming up with the conclusion that this man (or woman) you are dating has completely fallen head over heals for you.

I have girlfriends that never been single, I have girlfriends that are single by choice, some that date around, others that want to marry for money, and some that are constantly rejecting men while others find the dating scene a nightmare and can’t keep a man around for a second date. I mean it’s a wide spectrum.

Many women struggle with rejection on a frequent base (or some men just simply lose interest) – there is nothing wrong with this, however if any of these scenarios sound like something you are regularly experiencing… keep reading!

Common Mistakes Women Make Leading to Rejection:

  1. It takes time but you need to get out there. If you have been rejected a lot then you’ve probably developed a fear of rejection – which can lead to avoiding the dating scene all together. Don’t give up. I listen to many podcasts… one girl specifically made the decision to say “yes” to things as opposed to “no” leading her to some amazing adventures. Let me just say, “Mr.Right” isn’t going to surprisingly knock on your front door and sweep you off your feet.
  1. Just because you have been rejected, doesn’t mean your undesirable. Let rejection go. If you hold on to the mentality of always being rejected then you will not even be able to give yourself the opportunity to move forward.
  1. Be positive when it comes to dating. Maybe you were dumped, cheated on, stood up, or told you weren’t good enough but you cannot let this define you. You have to be positive in order to attract positivity.
  1. You have low self-esteem. Being rejected can create a low self-esteem, HOWEVER maybe you are being rejected because of your low self-esteem. No one wants to date someone that carries around insecurities and people definitely don’t want to hear you complain about them constantly. You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. Men are drawn to women that are confident (not overly). Learn to love yourself and build your confidence!
  1. Don’t be a Stage 5 Clinger. One of my girlfriends is absolutely gorgeous and an honest catch, unfortunately she struggles with moving too fast (no not in sac). One date, and she is texting him non-stop… it’s like she falls in love instantly and that alone can make a man panic and run. Try not to come off too needy. Let him reach out to you. Let him want you. The harder you play to get – the harder they will try. And do NOT, I repeat do not, have sex right away. Get to know the person. (When I was younger my father would make me listen to Tom Leykis and told me all men think like him). This for sure taught me how men think (not all men but many). Check out his podcast to get a better idea.
  1. Coming off too independent. Some women want a man but never give themselves the opportunity to jump into the dating scene because they are too busy with other things (aka work and life). There is nothing wrong with this, but don’t let it interfere with meeting someone… and when you’re on a date, try not bringing up how i.n.d.e.p.e.n.d.e.n.t. you are and not needing a man to make you happy. That gets old real quick. Let him treat you. Shivery is not dead.
  1. Have an appetite. No one wants to go on dates with another person who doesn’t eat. That can be extremely uncomfortable. Trust me on this. You don’t have to drink (booze that is) but you have to eat.
  1. Interested in someone who is not interested? Don’t force something. If he is not interested than he is simply not interested. Move along. Don’t let this affect you.
  1. Maybe he is not over his ex? Maybe he just got out of a relationship and isn’t looking to jump back into another one so quickly… Maybe you should think twice about dating this person! (Oh and ladies if he is married and reaching out – save yourself from a future rejection).
  1. Know Your Value. Simple as that.
  1. Don’t come across too masculine. Guys enjoy girls that aren’t afraid to get dirty and play sports BUT don’t take that to another level and start talking like buddies. You can be buds but don’t go overboard or else you will find yourself stuck in the friend zone.
  1. You can change a man’s wardrobe but you cannot change him. Once you start pushing too hard, he is going to be running for the door leading to rejection. The right guy will come along just be patient.
  1. Don’t forget to appreciate the little things. Men try (not all men – don’t get it twisted) so when they do something nice for you be grateful. If not, your lack of appreciation can get old.
  1. Don’t be drama. Avoid drama. Who wants to date someone full of drama?! At some point, you have to take a look in the mirror.
  1. Have a little faith. If you question his trust all the time, and he has never done anything untrustworthy than he is going to get sick and tired of trying to explain himself. Checking his phone and constantly questioning him is only going to lead to rejection if he has never done anything wrong. It can bring out insecurities. In which case refer to #4. (ps if you have to question a guy about his honesty, is that someone you really want to be with? Save yourself the headache).
  1. Don’t try to tie him down to quickly. If you have only been on a few dates (like two) and you haven’t talked about being exclusive however you are telling everyone you are boyfriend/girlfriend – you come off as a stage 5… see #5.

 

Good Luck in the dating scene!

Babe-Report

 

Advertisements

Break Ups, Make Ups, and Finding YOU

I’m sitting here, enjoying a glass of Cab Sav, and struggling with writer’s block.

I want to talk about shit that happens in our life that we may not understand right now, but eventually makes us stronger.

Let’s be honest, we have all been through a break up and sometimes find ourselves struggling to understand why things didn’t work out. The grieving process of getting over a man will open you up and force you into deep vulnerability.

Breakups suck. They can leave you in shock. This vision of the future, you have created, has been shattered. All the plans and expectations you once had no longer exist anymore. Your best friend has quickly become a stranger that you have zero communication with. We all Instagram stalk, but you’ve been completely shut out and “blocked” from viewing this person’s social media aspect that you once shared your life together on. Dick move, but that’s what usually happens after a break up unless you beat him to the punch (which sounds childish but hey your lying to yourself if you’ve never done it before).

Maybe this breakup will force you to become in touch with your own needs. Being too focused on your man (at the time; now ex) can create the perfect distraction leaving you in denial about your relationship.

What is important to me?

Will I be alone forever?

Who am I outside of this relationship?

How do I suddenly stop loving him? (Is this possible? Was he my person?)

Was I blindsided or did I just not pay attention to the issues we had?

How can I fulfill my own desires and potential?

Is there anything in my life that I have been putting on hold?

What is best for me… now?

You are forced to examine where you have been applying a Band Aid and covering up some issues. My mother has always told me to never let a man see or break you down, you deserve better, and ice cream can mend a broken heart.

It is important to talk to people. Maybe you pushed friends away for your relationship. Try rekindling those friendships. True friends are able to pick up where they left off by having a single conversation. Ask for advice. Lean on your family and friends.

Enjoy your alone time. You won’t be alone forever. Discover new interests. Have dinner alone.

Reclaim your uniqueness. You are who you are. After a break up, you don’t necessarily need to “change yourself”… lets be real, self-help books and affirmations are bullshit. You already are yourself. You can change, but change in a way that you may be adding and subtracting from yourself not starting from complete scratch.

Treat yourself.

Try a “change of scenery”.

Keep on living. Live life normally, but try new things. We are all going to experience good days and bad days but understand that there are always people in the world battling difficult things. Don’t let this break up get the best of you. Don’t allow anyone to stop you from living your life to the fullest.

Keep yourself busy. Go out and have a social life (just make sure not to rush new relationships – you need to focus on yourself for a while).

Don’t let this relationship squash your self-esteem. Have zero regrets. You will grow from each relationship you have. Use this past relationship to form a confidant you.

I know from personal experience, you have to let something go in order to realize how much it means to you (it may come back). This ex of yours may realize they’ve lost something (or someone) that has played such a huge role in their life and possibly want you back. Maybe the time apart has altered what you both want and you guys are ready to start with a clean plate.

But…. if he doesn’t come to his senses, then fuck him – you have just discovered a whole new you. His loss is another man’s gain!

Finger

Cheers!

Babe-Report

The Dirty Truth About… Birth Control

Last month, I (we) made a decision to get off birth control. Truth is, nobody really tells you what happens to your body when you make the drastic decision to get off the pill.

After so many years of inconvenient trips to the pharmacy and prescriptions written from the only other man that gets up in there, besides your husband or for those of you that are Birth Control
single and in an exclusive relationship, you have decided to turn off that 9:55am alarm reminding you to pop that bad boy into your mouth. You think, “What a relief, hey?” no more trying to remember if you took your pill or not.

Let’s just say you are in for a whole new treat while your body is trying to get rid of that little monster you have been on for 9 years.

9 years is a long time!! I mean throwback to the time you turned 18 and had your period for the first time (or when ever you got your period… clearly I was a late bloomer but I blame Pop BCthat on being an athlete). Literally, I can’t even remember what it was like to be irregular anymore. My doctor explained to me the answer to an irregular period, acne, and being
really tiny was —- Birth Control (BC).

Playing on Club soccer teams and a travel team, it only seemed natural that BC would be the best solution while rocking those white Nike shorts on the field. I opted for Ortho Tri Cycline Lo. A low dosage based on my weight. Man O Man, as soon as the pill was in my system I started to grow those boobs I never thought I would have and wanted so badly. I quickly came to the conclusion BC pills were my friends.

Fast forward to 9 years later, and I am going hormone free. It is weird not carrying around a pack of pills and turning off that alarm … weird in a good way. I don’t even know who I am without the pills. My first thought is to Google “what to expect when getting off birth control.” I Google everything. I am the type of person that self diagnoses myself (thank you webMD). To save you some time, you get a bunch of mixed results; both positive and negative but every woman’s body is so different.

For the most part, the first couple weeks were uneventful. Dropped about 7 pounds of water weight (tits are still with me though so that’s a plus) and my libido is like HELLO. I feel like I am thinking clearly now (if that makes any sense). Sounds awesome right?! My period came around the same time as usual and lasted 4 days (no spotting in between, which I heard is extremely common). I thought to myself, “I guess the pill didn’t change my body too much.”

I was wrong about that.

Here I am experiencing my first REAL month of being off the pill. Acne. What a bitch! I have never in my life experienced acne like I am now. Not only is the acne irritating me but also the fact that my eczema is back and in full force. The acne on my chin isn’t the worst of it — It’s the acne and eczema on my back and (believe it or not) my chest… What the Stress BChell is this? I immediately hit up my buddy Google. Go figure, I am not the only woman in this world experiencing this madness. I would like to give you some more positive news, like my personality is fabulous (even though I believe I am always in a good mood on or off the pill — my husband seems to disagree) BUT the negatives have outweighed the positive (for me) so far.

It has been an adjustment but I am working through this stage of my life and I know it can only go up from here. I am interested to discover how my body functions and continues to change now that I am completely off the pill. For now, birth control and I are no longer friends due to all the shit he is putting me through. I’m guessing motherhood will be a whole new blog post once we have children. Stay tuned.

On the plus side, for those of you ladies still on the pill – how cool is it that some insurance companies are no longer making you pay an arm and a leg for birth control because the Affordable Care Act was passed. In the meantime, enjoy your little friend birth control while you are still taking him… when you decide to part ways, you may come to realize the little bitch may not be so loyal after all. In the future, I am looking forward to a birth control for men hitting the market. Good luck ladies!

– The Babe Report

College Girl’s Lovers (The Men that Come and Go)

(First off, I have to put a disclosure on this post because many people will think I am talking about myself when I am explaining these stories but let me remind you (in case you have already forgotten or are new to my website) posts published under “Babes Babbling (Stories)” are NOT my personal stories. They can be made up, they can be shared with me, and they can also be things girls talk about but never write about. This Section is for pure entertainment and laughter.)

 

Where to even start with College?! I mean most girls that have gone to college create some of their most memorable moments there. The memories you have will stick with you or haunt you forever. Majority of the time, you will catch yourself reminiscing and laughing over these wild days with your girlfriends and then later in life telling your parents. But how about the guys you encounter during your good ol college days?!

Lets Talk.

The First College Guy “Friend”

You maybe meet him in your class or a friend introduces you. This guy is deep and artistic, or at least you think he is I mean you did just graduate from high school and you can assure yourself you never met anyone like this in your H.S. days.

The College Athlete

So he either plays football, soccer, baseball, hockey, whatever the fuck as long as he is not a swimmer (I mean their bodies are banging but its like all the chlorine has entered their brain and they often times use the term “brah” or “sup” and it just vibes off as uneducated). Anyways, this guy tends to be the cool guy on campus with a bright future in a professional league. He doesn’t have to attend class because lawd knows the professors are going to give him the “A” (we all know how that plays out). He is the guy that picks you up late at night and takes you to the movies in your pajamas but also doesn’t mind a quick bang in the back seat of his car. He comes around often but not as often as you like … I mean his main focus is to make it to the pros.

The “Babe” or “Boo” Guy

You swear this guy doesn’t know you real name because all he calls you by  are terms of endearment as if y’all have been dating for years. He was probably a great lay just because he let his emotions get the best of him sexually but let’s be fucking honest, you were happy to let this one go. You can’t help but laugh this one off with your girlfriends!

The “Don’t shit wear you eat” but too late Guy

He is another one you may have a class with, he makes the best fucking latte at the Starbucks on your campus, or he works at a bar you visit often with your girlfriends. You think your sly when you slip him your number or invite him home one night after a pub crawl. Be careful, he can turn into a stage five clinger but you have long passed using your brain to reconsider this one. You guys did it once, but needless to say you may be ditching that class more often, making your own lattes at home, or finding a new favorite bar.

The Selfie Guy

Now why the fuck does this guy constantly send you selfies of himself (Mirror selfies to be exact)?!  Obviously he thinks he is hot (possibly hotter than he thinks you are), but the more he messages you the more you realize how into himself he is.  Lets just say it was a fun “one time thing” but this one has already been kicked to the curb. Now you can poor yourself a glass of wine and share with your girlfriends all the photos he sends you (laugh it up ladies).

The Still in Love with His Ex Guy

He’s a good catch but my gah if you have to hear another fucking story about his ex girlfriend (either comparing her to you or some lame as memory you could care less about) you are going to put a bullet in your head (better yet, in his head because this guy is a beautifully damaged lost cause). After sex, he was using the blanket to secretly wipe his tears… bye loser.

The One You Got Rid of Guy (Your Ex)

Why does this guy keep getting chances.  Short and simple.  He is a total asshole who you don’t find yourself spending your life with, but he is a great lay.  You just want to bang it out and bye.. but he always wants more.

The Head Over Heals in Love with You Guy

It all started by small talk and flirting – little hand touches on your hips. Flirty but harmless. Wrong. You didn’t sleep with him right away, which only made him want you more (guys ALWAYS want what they can’t have). Finally, you do the dirty deed and it is like you have created a love spell. This guy has instantaneously falling for you. You tell him you think it is best you remain friends because y’all have a better friendship, but you no longer talk as often. I mean his heart is crushed. You run into him and his friends while you and your friends are at a party and he tries not to make eye contact with you BUT when you leave and check your phone… Oops there it is – he messaged you asking why you didn’t say hello.

Your Ex’s Friend Guy

You have all been there … You break up with your boyfriend and his best friend is there at the party looking at you.. and your like “GIRL this is a bad idea, but blame it on the juice!!” He is a great call when you are board at home with absolutely no plans.

Your Friend’s Ex or Crush Guy

This happens all the time. Your girlfriend can’t help but talk about this hot guy she is crushing on. You finally meet him and turns out you secretly couldn’t agree more with your friend. Seems like he has a thing for you and not your friend. And one night it happens. Who the fuck can you tell or talk about this with because you pray it never gets back to your friend. Now when she talks about him, in your head you are guiltily thinking she couldn’t be more wrong about the guy because you have been there are done that (you know exactly what he is all about).

The Romantic Night Guy

The guy couldn’t be more charming. I mean you wonder why the hell some girl hasn’t snatched him off the market. He does everything right and chivalry goes a long way. Dinner, flowers, sweet notes and text messages, as well as compliments for days. I mean put a fucking ring on it already! You wait a couple dates before sleeping with him until that one night. And “Oh fuck” there it is… the exact reason why no lady has wifed him up. He has the most disappointingly sized dick, ever. Why??????! (Here is your ring back).

xx

Babe-Report

OB/GYN Appointment Gone Wrong!

Ever have one of those days where you feel like you are just rushing around trying your best to tackle the list of things you have written down for the week?

Having children is an absolute blessing. I mean they truly are the foundation to a family, but often times that means no longer being able to do things for yourself. No random manicure/pedicure walk-ins, no time for massages or day spa activities, hell you barely have time to comb your hair BUT this is love. You actually have those two little rascals that make a mess but have showed you the true meaning of unconditional love (seriously it is worth it) and you would drop anything in the world for them without even thinking about it.

Get this… It has been a busy week. Trying to drop the kids off at school (on time that is), going to the grocery store (because Lord knows when your husband gets home from work he will be hungry and I want to avoid that “Hangry” phase), clean the house, pick up prescriptions from the pharmacy, and OH wait, I finally have an hour open this week to fit in that long over due pap smear my OB/GYN has been non stop calling me about. So fine, it is Monday and I scheduled the appointment for Tuesday – we are good!

As I am driving the kids to school, my phone rings (yes, hands free of course!! Precious cargo in the car!)… I answer. “Dr. Peterson’s office calling in regards to your appointment we have scheduled for tomorrow morning… Turns out we have an opening for today in about 30 minutes and are calling to see if you would like to come in?” My response (thinking, thinking, thinking) “Yes sure I would love to move my appointment to today … I will be there in 30, thank you.” I am dropping the kids off at school right now and I can head straight to the doctors office from here – saves me from having to come in tomorrow and I am sure my husband will be ok with fast food for dinner (right?? Who cares this is my time and I can’t face calling the OB/GYN office to reschedule this appointment again for the fourth time).

Just dropped the kids off and I am on my way to the doctors. Thinking to myself, I should probably clean up a little bit, I mean, I did take my shower last night and I do have to sit in an uncomfortable position with my legs spread flying V.gynecology-stirrups

I checked the center console of my car, PERFECT I found some wet wipes. I can just wipe it up and head in. Which is exactly what I did. I place my legs into those cold metal shackles and spread for Dr. P. “You really spruced up today” he murmured. Thinking to myself, “Now what the hell does that mean?” “Did he really just say that??” I ignored it, I mean after two kids that has to be a compliment right?? I will take it. Finished up my appointment and was back on the road trying to master my errands.

Time flies when you’re busy and before I knew it, I had to pick the kids up from school. We pull into our driveway and my son immediately jumps out and runs inside while my daughter searches through the car franticly looking for something. “Honey can I help you look for something?” I asked. She said, “Have you seen my wipes? I can’t find them anywhere?”   I handed her the bag of hand wipes. As she opens it up looking for a specific wipe, she said, “Mama I had a wipe in here with my glitter in it and it’s not in here anymore.” ‘SHIT” I thought to myself as I sprint into the house straight to my bathroom, grabbing a mirror on the way. And there it was, as I pulled my pants down and look at my newly inspected vagina — full of gold glitter!

It all made sense. I stopped thinking about Dr. P’s comment earlier that day. Got to love kids.

Beautiful-Golden-Glitter-Background.jpg

Babe-Report

What Women Really Mean….

We have all used the phrase “It’s Fine” from time to time… or fifty times.. but let’s be honest. Men, WE are not fine and if you hear “It’s fine” coming from our mouth, you better stop what your doing and reevaluate.  Yes women are complicated but don’t act like you don’t like it or else why the hell do you keep coming back.  Secretly, you love it.  It could be as simple as us (women) stating exactly what it is that we want you to do but where is the fun in that.  We like to test men.  We like to see what their minds are thinking and truthfully, if they can make the right decision on their own without us having to tell them every gah. damn. time.  It all comes down to what head they are thinking with (yes I said it)… their big head or their little head.  Things can be as simple as pushing your chair in when you have finished with your morning breakfast or making the choice between staying home with the lady or partying it up with your buddies.  For women, common sense.  For men, extremely tough decision.  Well here I am, not telling men what to do but helping them with “what women really mean” (which we find obvious).

 

“We need this” —  “We want this… like now”

“It’s your decision” — “You better make the right choice or else it WILL bite you in the ass”

“Do what you want” — “If you do it, you will pay for it later and don’t even bother to “poke” for sex”

“Go ahead” — “I fucking dare you” (also please read the meaning of “Do what you want”

“Im not upset” — “Im fucking pissed!”

“It’s fine” — it is never fine, fix the problem

“I’m not overreacting” — Even if Aunt Flow is in town (that time of the month)

“Your acting crazy” — Hope the walls aren’t thin because the neighbors are about to hear a WHOLE lot

“I’ll be ready in a minute” — Sit down, and find something distracting (no not your cell phone) but whatever you do do not    linger by the doorway because if I forget something do to “rushing” you won’t hear the end of it

“Does this make me look fat” — possible death trap so be sure to say “never” followed by something sweet

The Sigh — I’ve had enough and clearly I am wasting my time and breath

“We need to talk” — you did something wrong, obviously

“Nothing, forget about it” — you better figure out what you did wrong

“Seriously?” or “What?” — this is your opportunity to rethink what you just said and this time get it right

“Who are you talking to (on your phone)?” — Show us because if not, your hiding something

“Just go!” — “Get your ass back over here”

“Do you think she is pretty?” — Yikes.  This can be a dead end.

“Are you sleeping” — Its pillow talk time and I need your ears not P in the V

“He’s a man” — meaning he takes control and knows how to answer all the above, properly!

oh and never tell your lady to “shhhh” or “calm down” — shit will get real. real fucking crazy.

If your reading this, I hope this helps but lets keep it 100, we will always be one step ahead of you guys so in an argument you will lose!  Thanks for trying.

xx

Babe-Report